Nothing to say...

One of the disadvantages of writing a blog every day is that often you have nothing to say.

However, I noticed today that lots of people got their hair cut over the weekend.

Today was a good day...

Self improvement

There are many things you can do on the internet. These range from utterly pointless and time wasting (for example what you’re doing now), to downright disgusting. Let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen. But somewhere in the middle of that, there are the best websites. Self help sites.

The thought that you can carry out everything in life by following instructions is gold to me. I hate having to think for myself. If only there were websites that give you step-by-step directions on how to do everything. Oh, hello wikihow.com and ehow.com

What is there not to love? These sites tell you how to do almost everything, from how to blow-dry your hair to how to install a fire alarm. I’ve spent hours on these sites and found some obscure,  weird and just plain stupid guides. Here are a few high/lowlights:


How to make people think you’re immortal
Tips include dressing up in old fashioned clothing to make people think you’re from the Victorian era, and becoming an expert in Classical music.


How to date a Mormon girl
With such gems as don’t expect sex before marriage, don’t ask her out on Sundays, and simply ‘dress nicely’.


How to eat chocolate seductively
I mean, step 3 is “Unwrap the chocolate bar or box with a gleam in your eye and a sense of purpose”?!


How to look like a villain
Simply because the last step is “Pick someone to hate”. Bit extreme.


How to get a D and turn it into a B
Something about improving your grade in class. And there was me thinking all you had to do is draw the little line in the middle.


How to read a book
Step 1: ‘Find a book’


How to make fingerless gloves
Turns out you just get normal gloves and cut the fingers off. Who knew?


How to sneak your cat into work
At no point in the article does it mention why anyone would want to do this ever.

Yeah of course I’ll sing, what are we doing?

 

Given that house music is the only house even that I have even the slightest chance of contributing anything to, as ever I wanted to do whatever I can. My house, Lee, has no one that can sing, so I said that I’ll do it, whatever we were doing. Which brings us to our lesson of the day:

Don’t agree to something before you know what you’re agreeing to!

Now, before this month, I had never heard an ABBA song all the way through. I had no intention to. To be honest, when I asked the question, “So what are we doing?”, not only was ABBA the last thing that I was expecting, it was probably the last thing I wanted.

You may be thinking, but which ABBA song? They have so many classic hits! Well you lucky people, it’s not just one song, but a medley of their greatest hits. Greatest, here, being used in a completely ironic way.

I hate to admit this, but having gotten to know the ABBA hits, I have actually started to like them. They aren’t that bad, hardly Lennon/McCartney, but they’re quite good. And Does your Mother Know is a class song, mainly as it’s used in Johnny English.

Now I’m used to them, I’m not actually averse to singing them for house music. There are definitely worse things to be doing (They were threatening to do the Pokémon theme at one point), and it’ll be a laugh.

I am, however, slightly apprehensive about standing up in front a room of 400 people, most of whom know me, and singing

“Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight!”

Feedback

Inevitably, the general public (i.e. some people at school), feel the need to both have an opinion or this, and feel the need to tell me what it is. It's mostly been good, but some has been bad, leading me to finding out the definition of the word 'lethargic'. If you get why that's funny, then you'll also get why it's insulting.

Obviously, everyone has an opinion on everything, it's just how brains work, but the problem is when people assume that their opinion actually matters to anyone other than themselves. I've been told many times that the world does not revolve around me, but from where my eyes are, it kind of looks like it does. And the same for everyone else. This leads to people mistaking their opinion for fact. For example, when I first heard dubstep, I thought it all sounded the same. Actually, this isn't a good example, because it does.

Point is, if you read this, and you don't like it, that is fine. Sorry to break it to anyone who didn't notice, but this isn't actually very good. It's not engaging, it is self-obsessed (after all, it is about my favourite subject, me), and it's not particularly well written. It's just practice, and no one is making you read it. So next time you're thinking of telling me you read my blog and didn't like it, just keep your opinion to yourself. And then punch yourself in the face.

However, if you do think that this is good, I am flattered. Just be happy to live in the knowledge that you're wrong.

I am an idiot

I am currently in the position where I have a whole essay to do, on the evening before it's due in, and not for the first time in my life. In fact, not even for the first time this week.

This has reminded me of how much i hate myslef at times, annoyed by my, let's face it, many person flaws. Such as always writing "myslef" instead of "myself" when I'm typing quickly. The list is probably endless, but I'll give it a go:

• being ridiculously awkward in any group situation of more than about 3 people. I still don't know why
• constantly saying things too loudly when the person who it's about is close enough to listen
• having absolutely no motivation to get good at any sports or get fit. After all, it is effort.
• not wanting to put any effort into anything 
• starting a massive packet of Doritos, with the intention to only have a few, or share them. Neither happens, ever
• when I'm listening to music through headphones in public places, humming along without realising, and then being asked to be quiet by a stranger. This has actually happened. Twice

It doesn't take long to realise that there is not enough to time for all this self-loathing. And I should really get on with this English essay.

If you're reading this and you can think of anything that you particularly hate about me, the comment's box is ready and waiting.

A good place to start

 Lots of people have told me that if I want to be a journalist (which I do), I should start a blog. It's a way of getting stuff published without anybody having to like me or my writing, which is tragically quite helpful. This is nothing like the 'vlogs', as they are at least trying to entertain people (the next person who asks me 'Was that meant to be funny?'....), this is purely to write, and write a lot. And before someone asks, there will probably be more. Soon.

 The first problem that is encountered is the slight drawback that I have nothing to say. I have a terrible habit of valuing others' opinions over my own, which leads me to losing most argument. Either that or I'm wrong practically all of the time, which is possible.

 As the only people who will read this, and there may not be many, will be people who already know me, there is little-to-no point in telling you anything about myself. Even then, I would probably not be putting up any particularly private facts about myself, baring in mind that this is available to anyone who can see my public self, rather than my private self. If you don't get that reference, you really need to brush up on your Rogers' Concentric Circle model. Alternatively, you could not take Comms for A level like I did. Shut up, it's actually quite fun.

 There is literally no point in writing any more, as I still don't have anything to say, but this seems like a good place to start.