There are many things you can do on the internet. These range from utterly pointless and time wasting (for example what you’re doing now), to downright disgusting. Let’s not pretend it doesn’t happen. But somewhere in the middle of that, there are the best websites. Self help sites.
The thought that you can carry out everything in life by following instructions is gold to me. I hate having to think for myself. If only there were websites that give you step-by-step directions on how to do everything. Oh, hello wikihow.com and ehow.com
What is there not to love? These sites tell you how to do almost everything, from how to blow-dry your hair to how to install a fire alarm. I’ve spent hours on these sites and found some obscure, weird and just plain stupid guides. Here are a few high/lowlights:
How to make people think you’re immortal
Tips include dressing up in old fashioned clothing to make people think you’re from the Victorian era, and becoming an expert in Classical music.
How to date a Mormon girl
With such gems as don’t expect sex before marriage, don’t ask her out on Sundays, and simply ‘dress nicely’.
How to eat chocolate seductively
I mean, step 3 is “Unwrap the chocolate bar or box with a gleam in your eye and a sense of purpose”?!
How to look like a villain
Simply because the last step is “Pick someone to hate”. Bit extreme.
How to get a D and turn it into a B
Something about improving your grade in class. And there was me thinking all you had to do is draw the little line in the middle.
How to read a book
Step 1: ‘Find a book’
How to make fingerless gloves
Turns out you just get normal gloves and cut the fingers off. Who knew?
How to sneak your cat into work
At no point in the article does it mention why anyone would want to do this ever.
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