If everyone in the world were like me

I read somewhere that everyone is the protagonist in their own life, which I really like. Reminds you that even if people are doing something wrong or annoying, they are not doing it to annoy you, just trying to improve their life somehow. On giving my not-particularly-renowned relationship advice this afternoon (I don’t seem to get better the more I give), I found this person presented with the conundrum of having been effectively asked out by two different boys at the same time, giving an annoying but yet pleasant problem of who to disappoint. Both were described to me, the first lovely, kind, probably quite naive at potentially a rubbish boyfriend, but through lack of practice rather than anything else. Fair to say, I would probably get on with him quite well, we are very similar. The second, from the limited information I have, bit of a player, bit of a tool, not exactly the kind of person I’d get on with. Which made me think, if I were another person, would I get on with myself? And what would the world be like if everyone were like me?

If you’ve gathered one thing from this blog, I’m a big fan of list;

• There would be no more small talk. It is one of my pet hates. I don’t have a problem with it in principle, in fact I am happy to admit that the only reason I don’t like it is because I’m rubbish at it. A phatic conversation (small talk) is bad enough with one of me involved, so with both sides being as accomplished as I am at small talk, most conversations would go like this

“Hi”
”Hey, you alright?”
”Yeah I’m good actually, what about you?”
”I’m pretty good too, thanks”
”…………………”
”Well, see you around anyway”

• Parties would be the most civilised places on Earth. I am a really polite drunk, losing my inhibitions doesn’t cause me to want to do things with people I wouldn’t normally, but it does help me display that gratitude that I had previously been too shy to do. Mainly aimed at the parents whose house the party’s in. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a mum-charming machine.
• There would be days when nothing is said. Some days, I’m just not in the mood for people. I’ll just stay in and read a book, or just think about thinking until I’m too tired to think. People tend to assume that something terrible has happened to me to shut me up for such long periods of time, but I am often at my most happy when I’m in these moods. But what if the whole world had one of these moods at the same time? Well among other things, nothing would get done.
• No one would ever win any sport. I’m not particularly unfit, and I’ve got good hand eye coordination. The only obvious reason that I am particularly bad at sport is that I don’t tend to bother. I don’t really get much from winning, so I don’t tend to try. Imagine a 100m Olympic final where no one really wanted to win that much, it would probably take at least 20 seconds, or they’ll just agree to sell the medals and use the money they earn to share out unholy amounts of candyfloss.
• There would be no more arguments, because I would be right about everything. I mean I already am, but I wouldn’t have to persuade people I am.