Cinematic Procrastination

Oh no. I just blogged all over the internet. Again. Sorry

I haven’t done one of these since early June, which happens to be pretty much the last time I was supposed to be doing any work. For some reason, there seems to be no reason to spend my time doing this unless I have something ‘more important’ that I should be doing, like studying for exams. As soon as I actually have the free time to spend blogging, I find myself doing others things like eating and continuously refreshing the BBC News page in the hope that something has happened in the 4 minutes since I last looked.

Filling 6 weeks always does end up as some sort of challenge, especially without a holiday this year. This has lead to me film-binging throughout the entire summer, which may partly go to explaining why I am so unfit. But I have seen some great films, and some bad ones. This summer alone I have seen:

• The Godfather
• Something’s Gotta Give
• Donnie Darko
• Shawshank Redemption
• LOTR-The fellowship of the ring, extended edition
• My Summer of Love
• The Dark Knight Rises
• Taken
• The Social Network
• The Matrix
• Ted
• The Amazing Spiderman
• Tim Burton’s Batman
• The Bourne Identity
• The Bourne Supremacy
• The Bourne Ultimatum
• The Big Lebowski
• Virgin Territory
• Scarface
• Rain Man
• Mission Impossible 1,2,3 and 4

Looking back, I probably could’ve been more productive. Given that you can add to this list a whole series of The West Wing, all of The Newsroom and Veep, Wallander (all hail Kenneth Branagh), Line of Duty and all the terrible films I’ve seen but were so unmemorable that I’ve forgotten them already.

However, my parents have started pestering me to start work for school this year. Hence I’m finding time to blog. And for all 3 of my dedicated fans, I promise that I will blog more in the near future. I also promise that they will be less self-indulgent and more interesting than this was. Sorry.

Music Taste

As everyone who knows me knows, and everyone else will know once they’ve finished this sentence, I am quite a musical person. Music is pretty much my dominant pastime and one of the only thing that I am undeniably good at. I am deniable good at other things, but undeniably good at this. Hmmm.

Unlike sport, astrophysics or whatever else people pass their time with, music is something that nearly everyone is interested in, in the sense that they listen to it, and they have an opinion on it. Everyone knows what they think of as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ music, and even what’s ‘cool’ and ‘whatever the opposite of cool is, possible uncool’. It’s as easy to judge someone instantly on the knowledge that said person likes Lostprophets and My Chemical Romance as it is to judge someone on the fact that they’re wearing black jeans and a t-shirt with real blood smeared over it. In reality, these two tend to coincide anyway. It is also safe to assume that this person thinks that Nickelback are a disgrace to the human race.

One thing that I’ve found noticeable is people trying to show me how cool they are with knowledge of bands that no one has heard of, which makes them indie. I’ve learnt that it is normally advisable to nod along and look impressed when someone declares that they are listening to the ‘Midnight Foxes’ or the ‘Lightning Bolt Brigade’, who they only know as they saw that in a tiny tent at a festival, but I wouldn’t have heard of them because they don’t advertise on the internet, because that’s too mainstream.
n.b. These are only guesses at indie band names, but for all I know, they may well be real bands. I just haven’t heard of them, because I’m too mainstream
n.b.b. It is also advisable to note that these people are always wearing red chinos. This will help you to avoid these people in the street.

Being a musical person myself, at least to the point of being a multi-instrumentalist, people tend to assume that I like small bands, and hate mainstream music. This often leads to people openly laughing in my face as they scroll through my iPod and find Now CD after Now CD, occasionally punctuated by Elton John’s greatest hits and Songs from the Musicals. My music taste is a complete mish-mash of stuff, to the point that it is indefinable by genre by itself. In general, I just like music that is catchy or well put together, and myself favourite music tends to be both. For example, all of the Beatles ever.

It would be almost impossible to make a list of my favourite songs, as they change all the time. It’s also worth mentioning that some of my favourite artists haven’t done any of my favourite songs, like Jason Mraz, and some of my favourite songs are by artists who I otherwise don’t like, or are 1 hit wonders. But he’s a go at my top however many it is favourite songs, in no particular order:

• Time to say Goodbye
  Classical song, half of it’s in Latin, amazing tune, what’s not to love?
• Somewhere (from West Side Story)
  Just an amazing tune with lyrics that mean something, rather than all the modern ‘Get on the floor, something about the beat’ rubbish. Yes, I’m looking at everything that Pitbull has ever done
• Hello, Goodbye
  It’s not the best some the Beatles have done, but it’s certainly my favourite, if only because it’s amazing to sing along too. And contrary to the previous point, the lyrics mean absolutely nothing. But it’s a beautiful nothing
• No Woman, No Cry
  Possible the only song that I could listen to on loop for the rest of my life, and it would never get annoying
• Concrete Angel
  Partly because of the heart breaking music video, but this song is possibly the most emotive 4 minutes of anyone’s life
• One Song, Glory
  From the musical Rent. It’s so good, and I have no idea what it’s about
• Faure’s Pavane
  The original’s not a song, but there is an equally wonderful choral version. This is what people who write off classical are missing.
• Jupiter from the Planets
  Again, not a song, but there are lots of songs that have taken the tune, especially hymns. Also, makes the list because it’s my favourite piece of music of all time. But then again, you probably haven’t heard of it, because it’s too mainstream for you

Call Me Maybe

Call Me Maybe has been a massive hit, it it’ll clearly be a one hit wonder for Carly Rae Jepson. That said, it’ll make her a lot of money, so she’ll still be singing it when she’s 50, which will probably drive her insane (it’s so catchy!). The words might be changed slightly….

Hey I just met you,

And this is crazy,

But I really like you. I haven’t felt this way about anyone for so long and I think that we are destined to be together. My therapist says that I have unresolved emotional issues which emanated from my husband leaving me, and culminating with losing the custody of my children. I don’t even drink anymore, I’ve been on the wagon for almost a month now, and I haven’t had one of my ‘fits’ since last year. I wasn’t even allowed to keep my dog as the RSPCA deemed it to be too risky for his wellbeing, particularly as I kept forgetting to feed him. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to look after him when I can’t look after myself. That’s why I really need someone to help me make it through, and I want it to be you. I need it to be you. Please come round as soon as possible, or I’m not sure I’ll make it through the night. I live in Mission, British Columbia on 8536 Cade Bar, and my number is (604) 820-0840,

So call me maybe?

Wasting Time

Last year, after my exams, I had 10 weeks of holiday. While that seemed like a godsend at the time, after about 7 weeks, I started to get bored and short of stuff to do. This year, it’s taken me 3 days before I got bored, running out of things to do. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and some serious procrastination is called for.

Procrastination is no doubt a talent, and a talent must be practiced. The 10,000 hours rule dictates that you should practice a skill for 10,000 hours before you are as good as you can be. Procrastination is harder than it looks (although if you are watching someone procrastinate, you should really think about getting on with some of your own), and it’s hard to think of things to do to fill your time with. Over the last two days, I’ve probably done around 10 hours of pretty much nothing, so at this rate it’ll take me between 3 and 4 years to perfect the art, assuming that I can find 5 hours a day of time that I can happily waste. Here are a few things that I’ve done over the past few days.

1. Counting freckles

The past few days have suddenly decided that they want to be sunny, so I’ve spent a lot of them outside, as I’m sure a lot of people have. A week ago, I didn’t have any freckles at all, whereas my current count has rocketed due to sun’s belated appearance. The sudden rise has been the result of my week’s procrastination in the sun, where I have been trying to find the happy medium between being so pale that I’m reflective, and skin cancer. For those of you who don’t get freckles, you can also spend time staring at your face in the mirror, but instead you can spend the time admiring your beautifully tanned complexion. In principle, I hate you.

2.  Watching ‘the other presenter’

TV features as a large part of my procrastination routine. It’s hard to believe that with 900 channels to chose from (minus sky movies, we’re not made of money), that at least one would have something worth watching on. It is of course important to remember that only half of these channels have their own output, and the other half are just showing what their partner channel was showing an hour ago, just in case you missed something that you didn’t want to watch. The other problem is that currently, there are only 3 episodes of Diagnosis Murder on a day. Couple that with the fact that I’ve seen all of them before, (it’s occasionally bearable when you remember who the murderer is, but not when you can practically remember the script) and suddenly that option doesn’t seem appealing either. I have discovered a new way of watching TV though. When programs have more than one presenter, only of them is speaking at a time. The entertainment comes in not listening to the speaker, but watching the other presenter. While the other speaks, they just sit there and stare at you, or even nod along in agreement to the other one. This is well worth trying yourself as if I just describe to you how good it is, it looks like I’m having a break down. Early today I spend quite a lengthy period just watching the newsreader who wasn’t talking. The first time that it even occurred to me that I should get on with something else was when I started hearing news stories that I’d heard before go round the loop again.

3. Writing this

Useless and pointless as this is, at least it takes up time. So far this has taken 20 odd minutes to write, and it would probably take longer if I actually thought about what I was writing, or read through it afterwards instead of submitting it as soon as my internal monologue falls asleep, or at least starts daydreaming. Obviously writing my blog doesn’t account for any of you, but you might want to do something related. Like reading my blog. Admittedly if you’re this far into it, it’s probably too late to turn back.

4. Desperately trying to up your Twitter following

The number of followers you have is purely egotistical. There is barely any point in having thousands of followers, as no one in the world can say anything worth knowing in 140 characters. Then again, there’s no point not having thousands of followers, at least it boosts your pathetic and needy self-esteem. Which is why I want as many followers as possible, so follow me at @i_am_called_ben

There are two reasons why you should do this. Firstly, I follow back, so your tiny boost to my ego will be returned with a tiny boost to yours, even though we both know that in the real world, it means nothing. Secondly, I will feel loved. If you don’t have twitter, you should get it. It’s really good for procrastination. Arguably better than watching people on the news who aren’t speaking.

The Perfect Man

Warning: This post is even more self-absorbed than normal.

So they’ve discovered what makes up the perfect man. I have no idea who ‘they’ are, but I think they just asked some women. These dreadful lists seem to find their way onto the MSN website and sadly, so do I.

It’s a list of 30 characteristics that make up the perfect man. Now, I have never claimed to be the perfect man, but I’m pretty sure everyone thinks I’m close. So let’s seem how I measure up.

1. Is 6 feet tall.
No word of a lie, I’m 1cm less than 6 ft. Which is suppose not 6ft. No one will love me if I’m 5’ 11 and a half.

2. Muscly, toned and athletic.
The brilliant thing about the internet is that you can’t see me. So let’s go with yes…

3. Brown eyes.
No. But I do have eyes, which is half way there.

4. Non-smokers.
Finally. Actually, I do smoke when I’m on fire. So I suppose I don’t even qualify for that.

5. Good dress sense.
No comment. But I do have t-shirts with different Star Wars logos for each day of the week.

6. Short dark hair
Yes, I definitely do.

7. Earns at least £48,000 a year
No, I definitely don’t.

8. Only says ‘I love you’ when
Yeah that’s true. I don’t know why I even bother, my cats can’t understand me.

(I’m joking. My cats are the only ones who understand me. Understand who I really am. They are the only ones I can trust and tell all my problems to.)

There’s a whole list of these, and I don’t qualify for many. Turns out I’m not perfect after all, who’d have thought.

These lists are clearly pointless as people have different tastes. There must be someone who likes every look, or it would die out through evolution. Although that doesn’t explain the continued existence of gingers.

That was a joke.

Haha

Pennies With Purpose

So what do you do in your spare time? It’s a question that’s asked in interviews, put on CVs and is integral to a Take Me Out participation form. What people chose to do in their spare time is very personal, and makes up a lot of who we are as people. To give an obvious example, I blog. Some say it’s pointless, self-absorbed and narcissistic, others say it’s pointless, but mildly amusing and quite often a good excuse to put off revision (what do you think I’m supposed to be doing now?). Either way, it’s universally agreed that it’s pointless.

Today I met someone, a family friend once-removed or something, who had a very different hobby. She and a few friends had set up a charity, and she will spend her free time fundraising for it. They are aiming to raise 6 million pennies, one for each of the Jewish victims of the holocaust. Here it would probably be wise to mention:

a) That she is Jewish. But then she is a family friend, and all my family’s friends are Jewish, we have a strict quota system

b) 6 million pennies in £60,000. The vast majority of people reading this will have either not bothered to work that out, or worked it out wrong like I originally did

Apart from highlighting how pointless my hobby of writing occasional slightly humorous 500 word rambles is, this project blew me away. Entirely metaphorically.
It’s not my place to preach how appalling the holocaust was, or how the many of the effects still haven’t been rectified half a century later and much more needs to be done, but you may notice that I’m doing it anyway. The money raised is split between 6 holocaust related charities, each helping a different area of society, some Jewish, some entirely unrelated to Judaism. This is a cause that I really firmly believe in. Being directly related to holocaust victims, I honestly would love to do what I can to do good and make the world a better place. Unfortunately what I can do is sit at my laptop and type out rubbish, which is not going to really make much of a difference in the wider world. Which is where you come in.

I am fully aware that the vast majority of readers are my age and either don’t have disposable money, don’t have debit card or don’t have a heart. Either way, I doubt many people reading this will directly donate, although it would be awesome if you did. But don’t let that be a reason for you not to get others to donate. Show your parents, get them to give a fiver and tell their friends. Or get them to give 60 grand and get the whole thing done quickly. But a fiver would be wonderful.

More information is on their website, which I’ll like at the bottom. And unlike the KONY 2012 campaign, the people who run this charity will make sure that every penny will go to the cause.
While charity seems like effort, please make the effort. It’s not everyday that you make an actual difference to make people’s lives better. If nothing else, it will make you feel better. Promise!
http://www.pennieswithpurpose.co.uk/
http://www.justgiving.com/Pennies-With-Purpose

The weirdo on the bus

Somehow, I’ve found myself in the situation where I am the only Sixth Former on my school bus. For 25 minutes at a time, twice a day, I am completely surrounded by small people who irritate me. Or the year 11s, big people who irritate me.

There are obvious disadvantages to this situation. The obvious one is that I have no one to talk to (if there were any other year 12s on the bus, I would probably not talk to them. But it’s nice to know I have the option). I am a big fan of conversation, as it facilitates two of my favourite things; finding out new stuff and complaining about stuff. In an ideal world, I find out stuff which I can then complain about. I can do neither on my own, and it’s nice to at least have the illusion that someone’s listening.

The other disadvantage to being on my own is that it plays into one of my pet hates, overhearing stupid conversations. You’d think that a bus full of people who’d passed the 11+ would lead to some intellectual conversations, discussing the elusive Higgs Bosom particle and pondering the new French president’s left-wing economic stance. The reality could hardly be further away. In the last week I have heard:

“Can you see gravity?”

“I wonder if Twilight is more famous than the Bible yet”

“Your mum’s so fat that you have two dads”
(This one in particular blows my mind)

It’s been pretty much a year now, so I’ve got used to it, and there is a flip side. Being the only year 12 on the bus means that there’s no one there to judge me, or at least no one whose opinion matters to me. For 50 minutes a day, I can just do what I like and be weird. I can rap along to Jason Mraz and hum when it gets to the chorus and no one cares. I can daydream and stare out the window and no one cares. And I reckon that everybody needs time where no one judges them. Everybody needs time to be a weirdo. And every bus needs a weirdo.