Resolution

I’ve only really kept one New Year’s Resolution in my life: to manage to live all the way through 2007. Every other promise to myself I’ve not kept, whether it be to be less fat, be cleverer or just generally be a nicer person.

This year, like always, I’m making another list of New Year’s Resolutions, because I never learn. There is no doubt that I will fail spectacularly in most if not all of them. But as I’ve been taught in school, it’s better to have high targets and miss them than to have no targets at all. Actually they say it’s better to have high targets and achieve them, but we’re trying to be realistic here. Anyway, here are my resolutions.

1. Stop Swearing.
Completely. Not say a single naughty word for the entire year. This is quite frankly not going to happen, but I’ll give it a go anyway. Actually, I have made this resolution before. It lasted until just before 10 am on 2nd January 2010. Maybe my actual target should just be to beat that. There are a good few words that I’m going to miss, but none more so than Thunderc*nt (the asterisk is just to get me into practice).

2. Blog More.
For some reason I stopped doing this. Probably because I only did it as a way of avoiding revision, and as soon as I had time to blog suddenly it didn’t seem to appealing, there are other ways to procrastinate that aren’t pretending to be work. Actually, the last time I blogged happened to be the last day I was single. Coincidence…..? Yes, yes it is.

3. Don’t Lose My Girlfriend.
This is pretty self-explanatory. And I think I’m safe to assume as just as I don’t want to hear about anyone’s personal lives, no one wants to hear about mine. Unless it involves sadness. I’ll update you when it does.

4. Exercise 4 Times A Week/Join A Gym/Get Fit.
I have made this resolution every year since I was 11, making this the 7th year in a row. I have never achieved this, and I have long since given up hoping to get a physique like an Adonis. If anything, I’ve included this for tradition.

5. Pass Exams/Get A Job/Earn Money/Be Happy.
I could basically sum this up as ‘Don’t fail at life’. Again, it’s up to debate as to whether I have achieved this in the past, but once again I’m giving it a go. Which is pretty much what every New Year’s Resolution is, a desperate attempt to convince ourselves that the coming year is going to be better than the last, despite a complete lack of evidence that it will. Well this has all gone a bit sad all of a sudden. Anyway, I’m off to try and get drunk on Champaign even though it’s disgusting.

Happy New Year!